Not So Deep Thoughts The People I Know Once Upon A Time Who Is This? Back Back
Zombies and Sunshine!
with a fifty percent chance of apocalyptic kittens

I am all teary over this stupid glorious island of misfit baseball players team.

Giants fans are officially spoiled for riches, and at this point I'd maybe almost be ok if it took 10-20 years to do it again (I don't want to become Evil Empire West) because this kind of roll just can't keep up. But we got another year of getting rings for guys who thought they were going to give it up before they got one (Ishikawa, Hudson) and we watched another babyfaced rookie show up and be absolutely instrumental to it (PANIK!!) and we got maybe the BEST BUSTER HUG, and it was torture right to the last second, and I just... BASEBALL IS SO GREAT. <3333333

And there is just something so cool about sitting in the apartment in the bottom of the ninth and listening to the lull and rise throughout the neighborhood. Like, the overwhelming silence of us holding our collective breath and then cheering for each strike and out.

NOw I get to try to sleep while the parties continue at the bars on the block, and tonight I don't even mind. (Though I totally mind the idiots setting fires and terrorizing muni. assholes).

How about that Bumgarner guy, huh? I think he might have a future in baseball.
6 Babbles / Blabber
Hello writer!

I hope that you aren't staring at my requests in horror; I promise I'm terribly easy to write for. The stuff under the individual fandoms is going to be pretty much exactly what's on my request form with maybe a couple extra details. But as for the general likes, dislikes, wants, don't wants, etc, here's what you need to know about me:

I like gen, het, slash, femslash, and will take an OT3 (or more) every day of the week and twice on sundays over a competitive love triange or quadrangle. I'll read and enjoy everything from G rated fluff to heavy explicit porny stuff. I love plotty stories and quiet character pieces, serious and funny, future fic, before-canon stories, and filling in the gaps depending to various degrees depending on the source. Most of the time, I like stories that build on the universe we've already been given and flesh things out, and for yuletide I don't tend to that into AUs or fusions. Most of all, I really love stories that are relationship-centered (but not necessarily romantic relationships), and that end happily or at least hopefully.
My big likes

  • Family stories whether they are actual or families of choice, parenting stories, friendship stories, or epic love stories and any combination of these.
  • Cliche fic tropes: kid fic, fake dating, accidental/woke up married, soul bonding, amnesia, fake dating, mistaken identity,... though those are of various help in this year's requests.
  • Good hearted people who mean well and do their best. This is huge for me.
  • People who are insanely good at what they do (competence, mmmmmm)
  • People figuring out who they are/who they want to be
  • Fantastic adventures and/or shenanigans of any scope that bring people together, anything from prank wars to mythic quests.
  • Mutual pining with miscommunications that get resolved with minimal total idiocy.
  • Friends falling in love. Friends falling in love. FRIENDS FALLING IN LOVE
  • Nervous/awkward first kisses/first times together, frottage/makeouts/necking
  • Kinks: My fandoms this year don't leave me yearning for a lot of kinky stuff, but I'm always cool with praise kink, and crossdressing (regardless of gender) would be awesome if you could make it work.
  • Meaningful conversations that are happening on multiple levels.
  • People being awesome and supportive of each other
Super Seriously Do Not Wants

  • Non-con
  • Explicit violence and gore
  • Abuse/humiliation
  • Incest
  • Infidelity/betrayal of trust.
Things I'd mostly prefer you avoid:

  • Dystopias, apocalypses (zombie, plague, nuclear, demonic or otherwise), post-apocalyptic worlds, general misery
  • Unbalanced hurt/comfort. I need at least a 50/50 split, but my ideal is more 15% hurt, 85% comfort.
  • Character bashing. If I've requested a character, it's because I like them and I don't want a story that undermines them. And if I haven't requested them, I probably still like them and would rather not see them villified.
  • Super heavy kink and D/s power dynamics. Even though I often enjoy reading this type of thing, it's not usually where my heart is for Yuletide fandoms. (There is one *slight* exception this year)
  • Super dark fic of any kind in a fandom that isn't dark canon. (which is none of this year's)
  • A/B/O universes. Again, I read it all the time in various fandoms, but not something I'm longing to see in any of my requests.

Requests (in no particular order)
Nina Tanleven Mysteries - Bruce Coville
Requested Characters: Nina "Nine" Tanleven, Chris Gurley.

I *loved* these books when I was a kid. I know that they don't completely hold up and that some aspects are almost painfully dated and much clunkier than they felt when I was reading them when i was 10 and 11, but the heart of them are still so good. For a kid who loved mysteries and just happened to be from the Syracuse area, though, I couldn't help but revel in someone my age solving mysteries in places I knew.

Nine and Chris's friendship is so great, and since we saw everything in the book from Nine's perspective, I'd love to see a Chris POV if that's something you'd be interested in.  If not, more from Nine is great. And while I don't generally love first person POV in fic, I'd be ok with it here since that's how the books are written. I adore the entire ghost-seeing girl detectives concept and would get a kick out of another mystery, maybe when they are a bit older - high school or college or even balancing ghosts and mystery solving with adult life. If you have a favorite regional ghost story that you want them to solve, that would be a ton of fun for me. I can definitely go for something shippy between them, either a getting together story or something where they're firmly established.

Trouble With the Curve
Requested Characters: Any
Yes, that Clint Eastwood baseball movie. I wasn't expecting to like it either, ok. But it actually pretty great.

I love baseball, I love women loving baseball, and I love how much this movie loves baseball and that Mickey is the real lens of the whole thing. I'm into the fact that even though her father taught her to love the game, she loves it on her own terms, too. This right up there with Field of Dreams for me because even though it's about the business of baseball, it's still at heart family love and connecting through baseball and about the fact that baseball is about more than the stats.

Mickey is far and away my favorite character. My greatest dream is her rising through the ranks, player agent to MLB PA director maybe? Or does she go to the team side, head of scouting, gm? Does she just barnstorm into the league and wind up president of baseball ops, commissioner? ... as far as you'd like to take her. I want to see her being brilliant and take no prisoners and never giving up her love of the game. Is Johnny by her side? Who else does she get to rep because of Rigo's success?

If you offered Rigo, I would love to see anything about what it's like for him to have everything change basically overnight. The press around an MLB team signing an unknown, out-of-no-where pitcher would be nuts... how does he handle it? How long does it take for him to make the big club? How long before his first Cy Young?

As for Johnny... Timberlake is a damn charming guy and he brought that all to Johnny with such greatness. Anything about how he handled his injury and the realization that he career on the field was done. His transition into broadcasting. I ship him and MIckey more than a little so if that's where your heart lies... fly with it. I'm not particularly into the idea of him and Rigo together romantically, though I'd love to see a friendship.

Characters: Any

Talk about another movie that was absolutely formative for me, the absurdity and over-the-top everything is so great, but my hope for the fic would maybe be something a little calmer. This is a fandom where I'd really just love a character piece. The women in this movie are so fascinating, especially when you consider the time and their various circumstances and the choices they make. Anything you want to tell me about any of the nominated characters would be wonderful. Some things I've thought about before...

Do Mrs. Vernon-Williams (name her as you see fit) and Ramona know each other from their youth? What was their relationship like? How do they approach each other once Allison and Cry-Baby's relationship puts them in connection again? If that's not something you see... How did either/each of them deal with a child's death and being left to raise grandchildren?

Is Allison really fully comfortable in the Drape style and attitude or does she find a middle ground between who her grandmother wanted her to be and what she thinks Cry-Baby wants and settle into herself more? Does she go to college? Stay with Cry-Baby? Both? What is her relationship like with her grandmother before or after the movie? I'd love to see a friendship piece with her and Pepper from either point of view. Their backgrounds and experiences are so different, but where is their common ground?

Pepper - I love that Pepper doesn't let anything get her down despite the fact that she obviously doesn't obey any of the rules for teenage girls or her time. sure, that's because the movie is a comedy and a satire... but talk to me about how Pepper is so self-assured. Is it just because Ramona and Belvedere love her so completely without reservation? Is it because Wanda and Hatchet are the kind of friends who won't let anyone mess with her? What kind of mom is she and what does she hope for for Snare-Drum and Susie Q and the baby?

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Characters: ANY ANY ANY

First things first, I totally, absolutely, completely head-over-heels love everything about this show. And I ship Jack/Phryne to the ends of the earth. The chemistry is so great and if you just want to write a thousand (or a billion) words of them flirting and teasing and the insane UST that is more than enough to make me happy. I mean, I'll also take as many words of completely dirty porn between them, and this is the one request where I'd be cool with seeing some power dynamic play (Phryne in charge, preferably!) but yeah.

Beyond that (since I did go with any), I also love Hugh and Dot's sweet romance and would be happy with anything about them as well.

If neither of those are where your heart lies, rest assured I genuinely love everyone on this show and would happily read about any of them. Mr. Butler and Jane playing cards over tea? Brilliant! Terrifying stilted awkwardness between Bert and Aunt Prudence? Hilarious. Mac and Phryne in any context, pre-series how they became friends and their shenanigans for example.

A case fic, a week where there isn't a case but everyone still finds excuses to be around each other... just anything within the world of this show.

I was not as expecting to be as charmed by this movie as I was (Not sure why, since it was entirely the kind of tropey gloriousness that I love). And I just want to see more of Jane and Henry being adorable and in love. If that's just a look into their life post movie, that's great. If you want to give me a little bit of a glance into the events of the movie through Henry's POV and his misery at having to watch his aunt make Jane's experience a disaster (especially if you show his pining) that would be so, so great!

Singin' In The Rain
OT3 OT3 OT3, oh my god, this movie is the definition of OT3 for me. I want so much about them making it work. Careers, love, negotiating the public aspects of life, coping with the various ebs and flows of each other's fame and success. Parenting *___* I get that impending-parenthood/baby/kid fic is definitely not everybody's happy place, but if it happens to be one of yours, I can't even begin to explain how over the moon I would be for that to exist.

If you somehow volunteered for Don, Kathy, and Cosmo (or you picked any) but OT3 is not your bag, I'm also down for Don/Kathy, Don & Cosmo friendship pre movie (expand on the "Dignity always dignity" flashback?), Kathy & Cosmo friendship, or whatever.

OT3 Prompt: maybe them getting ready for a LIFE magazine profile or some other major PR push that means they have to compromise between the truth and what they're ready for the public to know?

ETA: Apologies for over-use of "great!" I promise to find other words before I leave feedback on whatever you write me.


1. I have one fewer internal organs than I did as of my last update.

Short story: I got my gallbladder yanked out just over a week ago.
[Long Story (with details of digestive distress)]
For several  years now, I've been having issues where sometimes after I'd eat (especially if it was not particularly good for me food) I'd be fine at first, then within a couple hours I'd be violently sick to my stomach. I wrote it off as the consequences of gluttony. At a certain point, I was afraid that it was becoming less involuntary and veering more into the bullemia column since my eating is pretty disordered to begin with, even though I never actually wanted to be throwing up. In June, I started being more careful about my eating in general (better balance, being more conscious, no binging, etc) and I lost a little bit of weight and was overall feeling much better. The worst of the symptoms faded significantly (while others continued, but I blamed them on my high dose of Metformin).  Then Sunday the 14th happened. I got dinner from Jack in the Box, a most gluttinous dinner indeed. And the expected after effects hit. And the pain was more severe than I'd had before. And it wasn't gone the next day, and it kept resurging whenever I ate. It was too high to be appendix, and internet self-diagnosis pointed toward gallbladder.

So Thursday I called my doctor's office and made an appointment for Friday, specifically telling them that I thought something might be wrong with my gallbladder.  As the day went on, the pain was just getting worse. Every step I took, was jolting and twinging in my belly. So I went home, rested. Debated whether or not to go to see the band I had tickets to despite feeling like crap. I figured, why not? So Missi and I went to see Airborne Toxic Event at the Fillmore. And after about five songs, I had to go find someplace to sit down. (All the while, I'm reminding myself... doctor tomorrow). When we got home, I took some medication, and after about an hour when the pain was just NOT going anywhere and was intense enough that I didn't think I could wait until my appointment. I took myself to the ER.

Blood tests and a Contrast CT (and a dose of morphine, god bless) later, and the doctor was telling me "elevated white blood count and inflamed gallbladder." And I think he thought I was crazy because I was just SO RELIEVED to have an answer. Because I'd spent all week realizing that not just what was going on right then, but what had been happening for YEARS was not normal and not okay. So they scheduled me for surgery for Friday evening. I emailed my doctor's office and cancelled my appointment on account of hospitalization/surgery. And I settled into a painkiller-fueled haze of watching endless L&O repeats (and checking in with my parents) until surgery time.  Surgeon's post-op report was "that was the gallbladder of someone who has been in a lot of pain for a long time." Which... she wasn't wrong.

Was home by late Saturday afternoon, and spent all week on the couch watching various things that either didn't take massive amounts of attention (Because I had none to give) or at least weren't super frenetic, because I was getting sensory overload really easy.  Which actually kind of leads into point 2.

2. I am in love with Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries.

You might not believe it, but there is in fact, a limit to how much Law & Order a person can watch. So by Thursday I was ready for a change, but ready to stick to something at least somewhat formulaic (and I'd already mainlined Outlander).  I was trying to figure out what should be next. Then that "Miss Fisher: found family" post circled back to my dash on tumblr, and I figured "why not!" It was an excellent decision.

Phryne is my new aspirational life model and fashion icon. And I am just super into everything about the series and Jack/Phryne.  And Dot is so unbearably adorable.  (And bought the first book for my kindle, for when my attention holds enough to read). Honestly, so many folks on tumblr and twitter have been talking about Miss Fisher and it's been on my Netflix queue for so long that I'm shocked I hadn't already watched it. But now I'm glad because it made for EXCELLENT recovery viewing..

3. I have made my Yuletide nominations.

I'll probably be volunteering to write Miss Fisher, and I might even request it. But for noms, I figured other people have that covered. So I went with things I don't expect anyone else to think of. This years nominations: Cry-Baby, Trouble With the Curve (Yes, the Clint Eastwood baseball movie. Because Amy Adams and baseball), and Bruce Coville's Nina Tanleven Mysteries books.  Mwuahahahah. I don't know why I feel like that deserved a diabolical laugh. But there you go.

4. I have fully caught up on reading Check, Please! and am signed up for the  holiday exchange.

If you have been reading the comic (or even if you haven't yet, but start now and fall instantly in love, as you should), you should also sign up for the holiday exchange. DOOOO ITTTT

5. I am still quite dubious about everything that the Sharks choose to be and do as a corporate entity.

No further comment on that one.

6. The Giants squeaked the post-season and I am agog that they managed it.

Because the Wildcard game counts. I guess.
12 Babbles / Blabber
So. I just spent 2 weeks in New York and got back to San Francisco very late Saturday night. It was a very fast 2 weeks. My eldest cousin visited with her 14 and 17 year old sons, between that, meeting up with family friends, spending time with mom and dad and then doing a little bit of work it was over before i knew it.

I basically got back to SF just in time to fall asleep and be suddenly woken by the Napa earthquake. No damage to anything in the apartment, just a very big startle.

Back to work today, and the day kicked off with a meeting about finding work to fill my hours now. I have two more meetings about the same thing tomorrow because that's how empty my time is right now, with the major contract I was hired for over and done with. I've got a few piecemeal tasks, but yeah. I'm hoping that my meetings tomorrow will be a step toward finding a full-time position that's open in another department, since mine doesn't look like it's going to have much work coming in any time soon. Otherwise, it's going to mean actually job hunting and I absolutely DREAD the idea.

Fannish stuff... I am IRKED with basically every off-season decision the Sharks have made. I am depressed by the Giants inconsistency. And I am so far behind in watching Teen Wolf that it's basically like I"m not watching anymore. (But I am still reading all the fic). I meant to watch Arrow while I was on vacation, but much like everything else I really wanted to do, time just kind of got away and it didn't happen. I did watch a ton of movies and am almost 100% caught up on MCU now though!!
3 Babbles / Blabber
Sitting on the couch with my mom sitting on the other side of the couch. Missi's been off visiting her family so part of mine came to visit me... Missi gets back tomorrow and Mom leaves on wednesday and then I go back to work. Or... back to the office, i've been doing a ton of work from home in my pajamas. That's the nice part of working on getting website content up, just as easy to do from home as from my desk.

THere's really not a whole lot else going on right now really. I mean, unless you consider all my multitude ranting about giving in and watching Teen Wolf and being so pissed off at how terrible the writing is.

Beyond that I'm mostly just waiting to see how the end of the season treats the Sharks.
1 Babble / Blabber
So, i'm doing comedy again, I guess. Not sure if it'll stick more than a few weeks or if I'll take it more seriously than I did last time. But it's a good way to blow off some of the stress and anxiety.

In other news, I went into my doctor's office the other day and spent about half an hour whining about how much my back and shoulder and neck have been hurting and came out with a referral to an orthopedist and spine specialist. And today I've spent most of the day in a low-level vicodin haze and, when not medicated, cringing and trying to find a position that doesn't make me all twinge-y and miserable.

I went and got a hair cut right after my doctor's appt. It was way more than I would normally have paid, but it's a salon I used to go to and where I knew I could get a good cut. Plus it came with a seriously luxurious shampoo that made it worth the price. There really is nothing better than a professional shampoo.

Oh. And I wrote another Teen Wolf fic, since I"m actually watching the show now apparently. I fear I am that strangest of all creatures in Teen Wolf... a gen writer. Anyway...

Different Devils - ~600 words of the Sheriff introspection in the wake of the most recent couple episodes.
2 Babbles / Blabber
In pursuit of succeeding at my only resolution (WRITE MORE!) I have taken a Trope Bingo card!

meet the parents / family celebratory kiss first time / last time curtainfic deathfic
holidayfic snowed in metafiction sex pollen amnesia
au: space language and translation FREE

au: supernatural au: mundane
unexpected friendship chosen family au: apocalypse character in distress bodyswap
au: other mind games au: crossover power dynamics rites of passage / coming of age

This is going to be fun.

Now I just have to figure out what the fuck fandoms to write in.
Back in SF, had a happy, sedate New Year's with Missi and Bex last night. Have made only one resolution for this year, to write more... which shouldn't be hard since the only thing I wrote this year was my yuletide fic.

So... now I get to tell you all about that.

Keeping You In Sight - 3,975 words
Fandom: Drive Me Crazy (1999)
Rating: Teen and Up
Relationships: Nicole Maris/Chase Hammond, Judy "Dee" Vine/Dave Ednasi, Mrs Maris/Mr Hammond
Characters: Nicole Maris, Chase Hammond, Mrs. Maris, Mr. Hammond, Judy "Dee" Vine, Dave Ednasi, Ray Neeley
Additional Tags: Male-Female Friendship, Female Friendship, Male Friendship, Parent-Child Relationship, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Canon Compliant

Summary: They aren't the same people they were, but they are.

Ok, so...I was 3700 words into a story with the deadline fast approaching, by which I mean "hours left." When I went back and re-read my recipient's letter and realized with horror that I had somehow written myself into a story that included a bunch of "don't likes" from their letter. So I took a calculated risk. I whipped off an ending for that story and uploaded it with basically minutes to go before the deadline. Then I started writing from scratch. I kept almost nothing from the original story (one tiny personal canon detail made it into both, but that's it). And I think it was the right decision. I feel like I wound up with a much better story than what I would have if I'd kept going on the my original idea. Not just more in line with what my recip might like, but just plain better. More than anything else, I'm glad that the re-do gave me a chance to focus more the friendships than just writing more in the love story for Nicole and Chase.
1 Babble / Blabber
I miss when LJ was the only place that i could potentially have a brain dump because there was never any question about where it should go, only about how many people I'd let see it. But now there are too many options and none of them ever seem right anymore so I wind up not getting it out at all and just stew...

Which is to say that it's after midnight and i"m maudlin for no apparent reason other than I've got my period and my back is out (again, same spot as always, and it makes me increasingly miserable every time it happens) and I should really just go to bed.

2 Babbles / Blabber
NI (Needs Improvement)
My first non-yuletide fic in like three years and it's 1700 words of Teen Wolf gen about Derek and Sheriff Stilinski (no, still not actually watching the show. yes, i'm that kind of fan now, i guess.)


I am so super excited about the upcoming holiday! Thanksgiving with the family de bexone and then shortly after that twooooooo weeeeeeeks in New York with the family.


The sharks made me ridiculously thrilled for the first 8 games of the season and then reverted to the Sharks. Which means I'm still pretty happy but a lot more watching from behind my hands as they fail it up in shootouts. The best thing they did though was the West Side Story inspired graphic for their game against the Jets. Bless you, Sharks for your perfection.


Work is dumb, but what else is new. Still trying to figure out if I'm going to be able to hold onto the job when the move comes. Trying harder to figure out if that's really something I want.


Not dead, as the fact that I'm posting might make obvious.
5 Babbles / Blabber
Oh my god, it's yuletide time again! Ok... let's do this.

Hello glorious and much appreciated yuletide writer!

First of all, thank you for offering whatever it is you offered that matched us. I hope that something here lines up with what you were hoping to have the chance to write. If none of my rambling here pings for you, don't worry about it... I know optional details are optional and am just excited at the prospect of more/any fic in these fandoms.

On the big details I'm not picky... I like gen, het, slash, femslash, and don't give a whit of a care about rating one way or the other because I'm equally happy with G-rated fluff, heavy-duty sexytimes, and anything in between. I'm a firm believer that an OT3 is better than a high conflict love-triangle. Most of the time, I like stories that build on the universe we've already been given and flesh things out (two requests this year are a bit of an exception to this). I like character pieces more than world building, and really love stories that are relationship-centered (but not necessarily romantic relationships), and that end happily or at least hopefully.

In no particular order, the things that make me the happiest are:

  • Family stories whether they are actual or families of choice, parenting stories, friendship stories, or epic love stories

  • Combinations of those kinds of stories

  • Cliche fic tropes: kid fic, fake dating, accidental/woke up married, soul bonding, amnesia, ...

  • Good hearted people who mean well and do their best

  • People who are insanely good at what they do (competence, mmmmmm)

  • People figuring out who they are/who they want to be

  • Fantastic adventures and/or shenanigans of any scope that bring people together, anything from prank wars to mythic quests.

  • Mutual pining with miscommunications that get resolved with minimal total idiocy.

  • Friends falling in love

  • Nervous/awkward first kisses/first times together

  • Meaningful conversations that are happening on multiple levels.

  • People being awesome and supportive of each other

Super hardcore squicks/Do Not Wants

  • Non-con/explicit violence and gore/abuse/humiliation/infidelity/betrayal of trust

Things I'd mostly prefer you avoid:

  • Dystopias, apocalypses (zombie, plague, nuclear, demonic or otherwise), post-apocalyptic worlds, general misery

  • Unbalanced hurt/comfort. I need at least a 50/50 split, but my ideal is more 15% hurt, 85% comfort.

  • Character (especially lady character) bashing.

  • Super heavy kink and power dynamics

  • Super dark fic of any kind in a fandom that isn't dark canon.

Fandom details... expanded from my sign-up form because I started rambling and couldn't stop.

Troop Beverly Hills
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Bates Motel
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Project Runway RPF
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Easy A
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2 Babbles / Blabber
I was at the Sharks game tonight.

If you are someone on my friends list who follows hockey, you might have an idea about how I'm feeling right now.

You would be right.

Oh my holy crapping jesus christ. Tomas Hertl, you guys. This KID. HIS FACE. THAT GOAL. you know which one I mean.
8 Babbles / Blabber
Sometimes I convince myself that I am a fully capable adult who has totally mastered competency at life...

and then other times I throw a load of laundry in at 10:30 at night because if I don't, I won't have any clean underwear to put on in the morning.

And then there's the thing where this Nsync reunion for the VMAs rumor actually seems to have traction and I can't even wrap my mind around the possibility of it. But it definitely does not bring up the most "adult" of reactions. (You'll all be proud to know, my boyband squeal is not, in fact, permanently broken.)

THe more things change...
2 Babbles / Blabber
Not dead.

Meds seem to be working pretty steadily now. Hoping to get through a full month without an anxiety attack.

Having a huge urge to write but no idea what I want to write. I am basically without a fandom in terms of things making me want to write. I've reached the point where I love hockey for hockey and fic (beyond making up ridiculous head-canon with Missi) is not really much of a role in my interest at all anymore. I'm tempted to become "that fan" and write Teen Wolf fic just from fannish osmosis, but I hate that fan. And yeah... I could try to write something original I suppose... but I don't even know how to do that anymore. Or what I'd want to do if I did remember how.

Sad hockey season is over. Also sad that the giants are kind of terrible this season.

Back in that mode where I think about applying to PhD programs. Had the realization that one of my best beloved grad school profs now teaches at a school with a really good media studies program. So probably going to email him about what the program is like and what a person should do if they want to get in...
5 Babbles / Blabber
The Sharks lost and everything is terrible. I mean, the worst part is that I can't even bring myself to hate the Kings or anything. It's not like it was a series of dirty hits and awfulness and complete domination that left the sharks being embarrassed... it was just Jonathan Quick being slightly more impenetrable than Antti Niemi (still love you best, Nemo) and the Sharks occasionally forgetting that passing it to no one isn't helpful. So yeah. Now I'm kind of torn because at least if the Kings go full out repeat the Sharks will be able to say "eh, clearly we lost to the best team... so it's cool?" But there's also a part of me that wants the Pens to win. But most of me is still just :((((((((((( over Sharks loss. UGH.


The "everything" in everything is terrible isn't just a sports fan overreaction. I'm kind of going through a rough patch (shocker). I don't know whether it's meds not working or just being that miserable. I'm feeling stuck and overwhelmed and failure-y. And I definitely had one of those weeks last week where the nice safe bubble of awesome people that I live in most of the time got rather unpleasantly burst by the reality of assholes.
2 Babbles / Blabber
-- Had another panic attack. Once again went in and was reassured "you're just crazy, not dying." Now have annoying bill to pay. Even with insurance, being a sack of crazy is fucking expensive sometimes. (But despite the rando panic attacks, it seems like the meds are working in general and my brain is less of a constantly angry place)

-- Have managed to restrain myself from screaming at co-worker and/or rage quitting my job in the fact of constant frustration. (and increasing uncertainty about whether or not I'm working on the right side of things...)

-- Went to see the Sharks and Kings game last night and came out still loving both teams. (Paraphrase of my game experience: "Do me on it, Jeff Carter... NICE SAVE, NEMO." Whatever. Don't tell me how to sports.) While I'm glad the Sharks won, I wish it had been literally ANYONE else on the team other than Raffi Torres to get the shootout win. WORST TRADE. It was actually a slightly LESS punchy game than I was expecting. I suppose that's because I was used to last season's lead up to the playoffs when both of them were fighting to make it in as opposed to basically fighting for home ice advantage against each other. (Oh god... I am not looking forward to it if they manage to hold spots 4 and 5).

-- Derby prep and qualifying races are underway and I am getting SUPER excited to have my heart once again broken into tiny little pieces by the Triple Crown.

-- I am two episodes behind on the The Voice but enjoyed the audition rounds a LOT as usual. I'm hoping my love for Usher and Shakira will continue. Blake is now officially my least favorite on the panel (it's nice that you're good at "gay chicken" with Adam, Blake. But damn, do I wish you'd stop playing the ignorant hick when faced with actual gay people, dudes with high voices, folks with non-middle-american accents, etc).

-- I am approximately a billion episodes behind on everything else I watch (because Hockey and Baseball). And I am still not watching Teen Wolf despite reading eleventy bajillion words of fic every day. At this point, I know the show would just be a disappointment.... So Teen Wolf has basically risen up as the new Sentinel and Smallville in my fannish life.

-- Possibly coming soon to this journal... a treatise on why the San Francisco Giants are awesome and deserving of your love... mostly for lakeeffectgirl
15 Babbles / Blabber
"All Hockey All The Time" continues to be the watchword for life in the apartment. To the extent that Missi and I have decided to become Sharks season ticket holders for next season. Because we are insane. (Re: Insanity - See also: EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF OUR MOUTHS WHILE TALKING ABOUT HOCKEY. Pretty sure we make sense to no one but each other at this point. Such is the danger of roommates, I guess.)

The Voice has returned, and the auditions look like they are going to be so great as usual. (USHER, OMG. His face when he turned around for the twins. And I'm sorry, but I am so glad that there is no Christina this season. She was making me HATE her with how she treated people who were not her team (particularly the ladies). So far Shakira seems like a great replacement.) So yeah. Hockey and The Voice and Project Runway sort of and fastforwarding through Idol because the only contestant I'm remotely interested in is Candice.

I have lost track of literally every scripted show I watch and figure I'll catch up this summer when Hockey is over and while the baseball season is early enough that I'm not watching every game.

Otherwise life is... okay? I had to have copious vials of blood drawn this morning for my Endocrinologist (ruling stuff other than PCOS out, mostly) and then had to meet with my psychiatrist. The Lexapro seems to be going okay without any of the hideousness that the Wellbutrin brought on, so Dr. Crazymeds is upping my dosage. We talked a bit about my binging and my weight (Endo sent her notes on that too) and about the possibility of adding an appetite suppressant to the growing daily meds (up to 3 now)... but I am reluctant. I just. Yeah. Reluctant. Also, I think I need to stop having psych appointments first thing in the morning though. It kind of fucks with my head for the rest of the day, even when they are mostly just med maintenance appointments. Therapy is also going okay, I guess. I mean it's only three weeks in, so there isn't a whole lot happening yet. I'm still in "explaining my family" mode.

I am feeling the vague itching of wanting to "Do something." But I can't pin down anything that I feel like I can do, right now. I don't have any ideas for things I want to write... I don't even really have a fandom I'd want to write in (I love hockey... but I don't really have the driving need to tell any stories). And the few things I do sort of want to write would be of interest to nobody except me... blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
6 Babbles / Blabber
-- Date has been canceled with the totally true statement that "things are crazy, life and work-wise." If he's got issues with that, oh well.

-- The Sharks sadly did not manage to pull out a win over the Blues today. They had a 3-1 lead at one point, but then Niemi gave up two relatively quick goals, which I'm going to blame half on the fact that they kept letting Sabotka touch the puck (fricken hat trick) and half on the fact that I'd assume one tends to be a little slower after you've spent a while with a guy with in knee in one's spine (Perron landed on Nemo and just stayed there for a few seconds). But hey, at least for once it was a legitimate goalie interference call, but the end result was sharks lose. Honestly I'm starting to take this whole losing thing a little personally. At this point, I'm 100% for Sharks losing games I go to... I'd really like that to turn around at the next game, especially since next game is against Coyotes. UGH

However, the company was great because getting to hang out and talk with frausorge is always fabulous. <3333 for real. Also, I was just thinking about the fact that it has to have been almost a decade since we accidentally met outside that Nick Carter concert thanks to eaves dropping, and HOLY CRAP! I just looked it up and it's been EXACTLY TEN YEARS.

HAPPY TENTH FRIENDIVERSARY, LESA!!! We're even getting Justin on SNL to honor the day. \o/\o/\o/

-- There was going to be more to this entry, but I feel like anything else I could possibly say would pale in comparison to that
1 Babble / Blabber
1. I have a Fall Out Boy Ticket.
Actually, the entire BAC has Fall Out Boy tickets, though it was definitely a little bit of a circus. I'm not quite as excited as some others are about this (I was really to a point of burnt out and fed up with some of the band shenanigans by the time FOB went on hiatus). But at the same time, I've definitely missed the specific FOB concert experience a bit. I'm assuming my enthusiasm will come back more as it gets closer and when we have more new music and a few live performances (it's working that way for La Timberlake, anyway).

2. I have Giants tickets!!
1 preseason and 4 regular season games. So far. Those are just the ones for just me and Missi. I figure there will be a couple more games with other folks too. (I also have Sharks tickets... so yay!

3. My father is still SO HAPPY in his new apartment!!!
And I am so happy for him. And I'm so happy that he seems a little energized by the whole change. he's keeping his promise and walking in the hall a little bit every day, and he said he actually went out and walked a little on the block the other day (which is more than I'd expect of him when it's still snowy and icy, but good!).

4. I did not get trapped by the storm.
Eh. this is 50/50 on the good/not scale. I was very glad to get back to my own bed and all that. But it's not like I wanted to come back to work or say goodbye to my parents yet (ever). But if I had to come back, I'm at least glad that the storm didn't flummox any of my flights. We barely got anything from it, and whatever NYC got was slight enough that they had it cleared out at JFK pretty early. But it was just another reminder NOT to fly through JFK. Because god, that flight from NYC to San Francisco feels LONG. I just like the chicago layover so much better in terms of not feeling like my entire body hates me when the flight is over. But anyway... not getting caught up in the storm means that I got back to SF Saturday night and had sunday to relax and recover before coming back to the office.

5. The Performance of The Weight on the Grammys last night.
FOREVER MAVIS. FOREVER. Also, there was definitely joking in the apartment last night that Mavis loves performing the weight at festivals and awards shows so much because she can say "Yes, yes I will... if you will bring me some young men to sing it with. Young men, I said. Bring them to me."

Also, the Grammys in general. Though yes, genuinely disappointed that Call Me Maybe didn't get enough love to win Song of the Year.
3 Babbles / Blabber
I am back in NY. I have been since Saturday morning. This is what I"ve been doing...Collapse )
14 Babbles / Blabber